Solo Travel for Women

I have traveled solo as a woman for different reasons, the first time was going to see my parents for winter break while in boarding school. I was 13 and it was so frustrating to me that the consecrated (sort of a nun) paid for the unaccompanied minor service and gave the me $20 dollar change. I needed more money as I was traveling from Providence, Rhode Island all the way to Las Vegas, Nevada, with one stop.

I knew how to travel by 13 so sending me with a babysitter was insulting to my teenage self, but even more insulting was sending me with no food or snacks and no money all the way across the country. What if something came up? What if I had to take a taxi from the airport?

Since then, I have traveled, or lived in, different countries by myself, mostly for work or study. We cannot ignore that there are real differences in the dangers we as women face when traveling alone (and sometimes in groups of women) that men do not face. These can be exemplified in my dad’s and I interaction once when talking about gender and gendered fear. (I do not in any way minimize sexual violence against men, but the majority of victims of sexual violence are women and the offenders are men.)

My dad argued that he too had felt uncomfortable to the point of leaving a place because a woman was flirting. My answer was just one question, “but have you ever feared for your life?”

He hadn’t, I constantly have.

This is true for me as a woman everywhere I go, not only traveling. For this reason I do not think I am brave for traveling alone, but here are the things I have learned from it.

Responsibility

My main thing is traveling by myself allows me to be responsible. I am responsible not only of not missing flights and not losing my documents, but of myself and my well being.

Just like when I was 13 years old, having money ready or a copy of your documents for an emergency fosters responsibility. I did not spend those $20, even if I traveled for 12 hours and had no food. I had to save them for an emergency as I didn’t have a cellphone (this was 2004) and no way to reach my parents in an emergency. I was hungry but I knew that as a solo traveler I was responsible for myself, no one else, not even the lady they had paid $80 to watch over me.

I had never lost documents while abroad, since from an early age my parents would tell me my things were my responsibility. I did last year, when I put my ID in my ski pants pocket. My passport, though, was kept in a safe place. Accidents happen, but always be prepared keep copies of documents with you, have important phone numbers ready, and let your family know where you are. Don’t travel with the minimum amount of money, have a safety net.

Planning

I have learned to become a planner. How else would I have managed my weekly allowance when I was 17 on a summer in NYC? Or have found that beautiful bar overlooking downtown Lisboa? I’ve planned my trips, my honeymoon, even the restaurants with the whole family (sometimes we are 15). Plans are meant to be changed, to evolve as the city takes you through its streets and shows you its secrets. Planning is fun and a great skill to have, especially as you get older and need to juggle different aspects of your life. Being able to fit into an itinerary places you want to visit without cramming too much you don’t enjoy anything is a great skill that can translate to university, project planning at work, family schedule planning, etc.

Best rooftop bars barcelona — Rooftop bar in Barcelona

I would recommend everyone to plan their trip, but especially women traveling alone. As we do face different challenges always plan in advance. Research what areas you should avoid, and where would it be best to stay. Know where it wouldn’t be safe to walk alone or at night. Find out the culture and if you need to dress more modestly, cover your hair, or maybe cover shoulders and knees to enter different museums, churches or areas. Be conscious of different cultural practices and religions that may make you feel like you don’t matter as a woman. It may be different than what you are used to at home and since you are a visitor, be respectful and careful.

If you don’t do your research it may land you a fine or in trouble! A cousin of mine and his friends went on a high-school graduation trip to Europe. In Rome, they asked some people where to party and were told to go to Ostia. (Ostia is a train ride away from Rome, where a lot of people live and commute to Rome. It is not particularly safe.) They did and ended up robbed and beaten in the hospital without any documents or money or cards. As women it could have been worse. Don’t be like them.

Violence Against Women While Traveling

There is the concern about violence while traveling solo as a woman. My parents have never instilled that fear in me or told me not to travel, but I have had experiences that make me feel unsafe and without control. It is frustrating and scary. Keep in mind that you are not in any more danger abroad that at home (check out Kristin Addis’ reflection on shaming culture around women traveling alone).

With that said, one of the scariest experiences of while traveling.

For my 21 birthday, three friends and I went to Las Vegas. I have noticed that when a group of girls is together but without any guys, people always ask, ”are you here alone?” As if being with other women doesn’t count, only the presence of a man can give you the accompanied label.

I feel compelled to say I barely drank, the “good girl” in me wants to tell you it wasn’t my fault, that I did everything right and still, this happened. I had learned to be a “good girl”, to not leave my drink, to protect myself. We teach women these skills instead of teaching men not to rape or drug women, because of this I felt like it was my fault for so long.

My friends and I hung out with some guys at their table. I had a glass of champagne and as soon as I drank it, I knew something was wrong. I threw up, right there on the bench next to me. One of the guys decided just then that it was a good idea to kiss me. I pushed him away and told him how gross he was, I had just thrown up. He didn’t care. He tried to kiss me again so I stood up.

Me in Vegas, before being drugged. The perils of traveling alone as a woman

I went to the bathroom, clearly intoxicated, clearly not okay. The lady in the bathroom wouldn’t let my friend come with me to the stall, so when I finished I didn’t see her. Panic set in. If I went back to the table I would surely get raped. If I went looking for my other friends, I would get raped. My mind just screamed GET OUT.

We were staying at the same hotel, at the Wynn, and so I decided to go back to the room. I did make it, I was lucky. But I still wonder what could have happened and how no one does anything. People saw me walking back, probably thinking I was another drunk girl in Vegas. Even if I was, why not protect me? Keep me in a safe place until I could make decisions? Why let women walk around like that and shrug blaming them when something does happen? I did not tell my parents or anyone about it. I was so ashamed, how could it have happened to me?

Today I am angry at them. I should not worry about guys spiking my drink. We should be able to drink, walk around in bikinis or dresses and not feel unsafe. There is a difference between violence we can all suffer while traveling like being robbed (like my cousin), but as women we can suffer a different kind of violence. With this I do not intend to discourage it, just make you aware that these things do happen, they are scary, and if you ever see a woman who clearly needs help, help her.

Loving My Own Company

I have learned it is okay to be alone and not feel lonely.

Lots of people ask me how do I deal with traveling alone for weeks at a time, or if I still go out to dinner. Of course I take myself out when I am traveling!

Once I made a restaurant reservation and the lady on the other line incredulously asked “For one, alone?” Yes, one person by herself is going to have dinner, enjoy her whole dinner, and enjoy every second of it. Have that glass of wine, go to that restaurant you have always wanted to try. Share that experience with yourself, you are the most important person in your life, treat yourself like it.

I love being by myself and enjoy my own company while traveling alone, especially as a woman. There are no expectations. I can choose my own path and if I want to lay down on the grass and enjoy my book, I can. No one is there to tell me what to do. I am free with my thoughts.

It allows me to meet people. At a bar in Barcelona overlooking La Pedrera, I was having a drink, this guy next to me as well. We started talking and he was such a nice guy, a Canadian firefighter. Great conversation ensued. No expectations, no flirting, just two solo travelers having a drink and talking. This is what the travel experience is about.

Don’t forget that people watching is fun. Watch people and make up stories!

Street Harassment While Traveling As a Woman

I have felt harassment in many different ways: catcalls, whistles, stares. When I lived in Houston I would mostly wear dresses but then moving back to Mexico I stopped. It wasn’t because I didn’t like dresses anymore, it was only due to how uncomfortable and unsafe I felt walking around in a dress or skirt. When I lived in Rome alone at 18, even all covered up since it was November, I would receive catcalls and whistles from restoration workers near my school.

While traveling I do think about what I am going to pack, planning the outfits and where I will be. I have switched out clothes thinking about harassment. Normally when packing for Europe I did not have this concern and the worst street harassment I have ever felt while traveling solo as a woman was in Barcelona.

At 2pm in the Gothic Quarter, I was preparing to cross the street to reach the subway entrance. The time I waited has been the longest of my life. Four men started saying things at me and as they felt emboldened, they got grosser and more aggressive. Some had to do with my butt, others with my curves and I felt helpless. Four against one. We were at a traffic stop waiting to cross in a very crowded area. No one helped me. No one intervened. No one, not even the older lady throwing me furtive gases, held my hand or told me I wasn’t alone. I was all alone.

Traveling alone as a woman I’ve faced sexual harassment — The day I was sexually harassed

In the middle of the day, in the middle of the street, in a safe neighborhood. What if they followed me to where there were less people?

Then one of the guys (there were five in their group) told them to stop. It emboldened me, returned my voice. I yelled at them, I don’t remember what, I just remember how I felt: angry, scared, helpless, furious. When I got back to my hotel room, I cried.

Be aware of these behaviors, that in some countries it is more frequent than in others. Be careful. Be safe and do not let your experience with a small group ruin your trip to a wonderful country and place!

Meeting New People and Trusting Your Gut

Make friends with locals! In Portugal, I became friends and hung out with my AirBnB hosts, two amazing young women. They knew I was there alone so invited me out with them and they looked out for me. They took me to a locals bar and restaurant. Locals can always show you or give you tips on where to go, or eat. They become great sources and can become great friends. My husband on his first solo trip ever and first time in Europe, traveled around, met people and explored bars because he talked to locals. He even visited one of his favorite cities on his itinerary because a friend of mine from the region recommended it.

It can also help you stay safe. They can advise on areas to avoid or keep an eye out on you when you are alone. Do not disclose to anyone where you are staying or that you are alone. You can learn to be vague, for example if you are in NYC say I am staying in SoHo. No more details. On a trip to Barcelona, I was on friendly terms with the hotel staff since I stayed for a week. For breakfast, the waiter even saved me my table and had my tea ready for when I arrived. They would have noticed my absence, which made me feel safe. Never go unnoticed.

Don’t forget to trust your instincts, especially when traveling alone as a woman. This is not only avoiding people or that street where you get a bad feeling. Also trust them for good. One day with my sister and a friend we had gone in Florence to see Madonna, at the end of the concert there were no taxis and the bus service had stopped. It was very late and we were very far from the historic center where our hotel was. The guys we had just met offered us a ride home. They seemed trustworthy and they were. They drove us downtown, we had late night pizza, and then they walked us back to our hotel. Nothing more, no expectations. There are always good people out there!